Anyone who watched the Will Smith "I Am Legend" film would have no way of knowing this, but the original tale by Richard Matheson had something quite interesting to say. The main character spends most of the book killing Vampires, only to learn that the Vampires are all sentient folk who view HIM as the monster.
Back in the olden days, when I was an actor, and even today as a writer, I found the actions of the assholes on the other side of the table pretty unconscionable. Ever been to an audition where the director/casting director/etc. is looking at his watch, staring at a fixed point on the ceiling, or doing some other action that signifies his not paying attention? And like... frowning? Or at least looking at you with a line-face? That's like... every audition, right?
Today, after our monthly songfest, I took a long hard look at myself and my actions and realized that I am the asshole behind the table. And now, I understand it all.
My boyfriend was recently accepted to his dream job. He AGONIZED over the submission, re-read it a hundred times, had me re-read it about a hundred more. When the guy who hired him got back in touch with him, it had only been a few minutes since he sent in the submission - hardly enough time to read it.
Sometimes when I am shuffling through the massive piles of headshots and resumes we get every day, shunting them into the recycling bin, I forget that the people behind the submissions are actually people. Maybe they are somewhere at home, holding their breath, waiting for us to call them in for a meeting. Even as I look at their faces, at their words, a part of me has to turn off lest I face the fact that I am fucking up someone's life as I throw their picture away.
Here are some words to you all, though; mostly to actors, but perhaps non-actors can relate as well.
I cannot accept many people. But I reject very few.
There are only a couple submissions in recent memory that I have looked at and chuckled, or that I have thrown out with some real vigor. Most of them are good, but don't have the qualifications we need. Some seem promising but are young, perhaps a little green. For the most part, I don't look at this process with the word "rejection" in mind. Some folks I put in the recycle pile while hoping, or even thinking, that another agency will pick them up soon.
In order to get into the agency, lots of folks have to go through me (not all... some of them get picked up by the agents at plays, or through contacts they've made). I am the first to see your headshots and choose to show you to the agents. Then, if they want to see you, I am the one who calls you up and invites you to our songfest night, where we have prospective talent come in and sing for us. Then I take your money for the accompanist and usher you into the room and then summarily usher you out. I am your worst nightmare! But I try to do it with a friendly face.
However, here's some insight to the watch-checking, spacing out, line-face behavior. Usually, when you come in, I have had a full day at work. I am dog-tired. I have to catch a train as soon as the last actor leaves the room. And when you open your mouth to sing, I know your game within the first bar.
Very rarely has someone surprised me after the first bar. This one girl I had marked as very quiet, but then she got into her lower/belt range and she turned out to be the loudest person all evening. Serves me right. But this was notable because it only happened the one time. Everyone else, I could basically tell the tenor of their voice pretty immediately. "Awesome," I think. "What a set of pipes!" Annnd... that's it. I'm done. "Let me see if we're running on schedule or if we're going overtime..." It's about when I'm pulling out my cell phone and you're mid-belt that I realize I'm being rude.
So, I guess, on behalf of all the assholes behind the table, I apologize. I know you're a person - I really do. I've stood where you stand now. But sometimes it gets hard to remember what that feels like.
-McCleverly
